Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize