note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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