i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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