My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
