Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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