Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
