for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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