I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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