Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
