Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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