Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
