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her vagine was all disorganized.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
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