how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
