I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
