Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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