I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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