just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
