her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
