went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
