he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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