that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
