laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
