i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
