my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
