who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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