I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
