hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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