Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
