you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
