I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
