I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
