I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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