I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
