just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize