I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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