dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
