is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I supernannyed him into submission
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
