4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
