She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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