I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
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