So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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