I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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