You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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