I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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