if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
