We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
