I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
