Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
