So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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