i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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