a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
