More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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