I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
