i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
im holly from the hills drunk
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
