I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I am one with the molecules
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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