she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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